


Okay. Its fair to say Im a bit of a nerd.

by EggFriedReus



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Karen (Marvel), BAMF Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a huge nerd, Quips, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggFriedReus/pseuds/EggFriedReus
Summary: Peter is a level 100 in his geekyness skill. The Big Apple aint ready for the levels of these references.





	Okay. Its fair to say Im a bit of a nerd.

Who knew that if you crouched in the exact same position every single time for a few years, that your body kind of got used to it? Peter did.

He thwipped himself along the road toward the warehouse Sam Wilson has pinged yesterday. It was a short trip between the Tower and the giant concrete brick. This one was by the waters edge. In fact over half the pier the warehouse sat on was at least 50 meters away from shore. 

He landed precisely on the nearby watch tower. “Karen, you got anything I can make a soft landing into?” Karen highlights a few things across the small area he’s in. However the majority are too small: tyres, or things he can’t reach from his position. His vision pans down and it comes into view. A giant bale of hay, seven foot high? Twelves feet across? It really is a behemoth - although in a mound.

Peter swings out his arms into a T-pose and jumps. In the air he spins a few times and lands perfectly in the hay. It’s nearly perfectly noiseless as well.

Unfortunately the nearest man heard. He takes two steps away from the hay and out of sight. Peter’s Spidey sense screams out to him and Peter grabs the man, muffles him, and drags him into the hay with him. One down

“Karen, what’s nearby that can keep me hidden.” A few more objects highlight that aren’t in his vision. “Karen, get rid of all those that aren’t close enough for a second of airtime inbetween. 

Two boxes remain shining. He leaps out, ducks beneath and rolls under the truck driving past. They don’t notice as he emerges from the other side and is under the box within mere moments. “For you Solid Snake.” He says as he begins to shuffle forward. 

The huge gates he noticed before entering begins to creek open. Peter quickens his movements, slides through undetected and re-emerges two feet away from the power controls.

He’s a flurry of black and red as he leaps out from underneath. His hands clutch to the ceiling before snapping off and landing silently a few inches away from the first man inside the building. Peter puts in the highest voice he can, taps the man on the shoulder and whispers “Hey listen.” Into the mans ear. He shrieks out into the hand that now covers his mouth. A thunk to the mans skull ko’s him and holding him from falling stops any other sound.

One man down.

“Ahem” He shouts out. Nearby heads turn toward him. “Hey guys, how’d you like my new camera?” His wrist snaps up and webs the biggest man to the wall with little difficulty. “Oh wait this isn’t a camera...” Peter complains as he stares down toward his wrist and sends a distracted punch at the nearest thug.

His other wrist turns to the next man and he brings them together. A giant beam of what seems like liquid web shoots through the air and solidifies men to the very foundation that their boots walk on. “Hadouken!” He shouts as the web beam releases and impacts the man. 

The third man begins running toward him and Peter spends no second moment helping him. “Get over here!” Peter shouts. The web latches onto the mans chest and makes him stumble when he runs. Thug #3 goes down with a yelp. 

That’s when the villain talk begins. It’s subtle, thugs whispering or mentions of Spider-Man. Peter let’s a few men close in before ‘Fus Ro Dah’-ing them into what seemed another dimension. It was a custom made web combo, like many he was using today. A huge cone of air, it throws around anything.. The group on his left is unaffected by his antics and they keep advancing. “We’re going to kill you Spider!” 

“Objection!” Shouts Peter back at him, vaulting over the nearby divider and ‘Sparta kicking’ the man down the stairs behind him. Collateral takes out two more men. 

Peter swings his fist back, clips a man with his elbow, then smashes the next with a “Falcon punch!”(He shouts,) to the gut. The thug's legs buckle beneath him..and the man falls into a small ball. 

Peter bounces off of the floor and the wall, exclaims a quip once more and lands a few, couple of meters away. “You’re gunna die!” Shouts out a thicc shouldered boi with a red bandana round his cranium. He lifts up a shotgun and takes aim.

“We’re all gunna die...” Says Peter in a soft, caring and yet intimidating voice. The thug lowers the weapon, and settles on pointing it into his own mouth and pulling the trigger. His brains splatter onto the nearby wall, distracting the man behind him. 

Peter laughs unexpectedly for even himself. "If only Vulture did that." he mutters, quick to avoid the small army of advancing men. They won't stop, what seems to be, coming out of the boundaries of the warehouse. He points wildly and shouts. "They're coming out of the goddamn walls!" Nearby thugs turn and Peter thought one even squealed at the sudden shouting sound that eminated from his mouth. 

Peter zips up to the warehouse ceiling as they look toward the left wall and hides. Karen seems to giggle into his ear and a web blade appears coming out of his wrist, he flexes his arm and it sheathes beneath the suit. Peter cackles madly for a second and it radiates off of the echoey walls. 

Thug thirteen is silent as he is ko'd. The blade pierces the mans open mouth and nose. It sends down a gas that sets him out cold. 

Another web or two and he's directly above the main gaggle of panicking minions. He spreads his arms before and Karen activates his 'websuit.' Two little wings are protruding from the unberside of his arms. He lets them glide him down onto the nearby platform. Peter laughs coldly, turns around and ends up in a coughing fit. Around fifty guns are pointed straight at him..

A sniper rifle fires from the far end of the building. The boom echoes and throws back the firer a good few inches. Peter watches the bullet speed up as it comes toward him. "Do a barrel roll!" He scuffles underneath it in a flurry of movement and stabs the nearby man with another web blade. Upon second consideration he realises its a Halo energy sword. But as a loyal Star Wars fan, he cant be having that.

It transforms into a whirring purple lightsaber. "The fuck?" He asks, looking down to it. His opposers react much the same and the mass group forms into two halves either side of him. Peter smiles so wide underneath the mask that the thugs can see it through the fabric. "For the record, I know all seven forms of Lightsaber combat." He states before flourishing into Palpatines little spin jump. 

Their numbers are dropping too quickly now for his liking. The lightsaber disappeares and text flashes upon his vision. He cocks his head, aims. One eye closed. "Magikarp, Splash!" High pressured water beams out of the little cannon like a battering ram and forces the nearest man into the next and then the next like a giant game of dominos. 

Eventually, the men got up. Most of the other ones were gone or out cold by then. But they were still armed. Bullets rung through the air and time seemed to slow for Peter. He was pulling a man toward him at the time, he would be hit with the bullets and die if he wasnt careful. Peter dropped the man as quickly as he could and bent at the knees. His arms swung in the slow movement and suddenly he pulled back up at the end of the spraying. 

He was untouched: and pounced.

The sixth to last man swayed on the spot dazed after the first punch. "Finish him!" Peter shouted and sent a swift quick to the mans gullet. He was silent as he flew through the air and collided against the wall. "Sorry, that might've been a little hard!" He shouted over the noise of taking down the fifth and fourth last men. 

Three, two and one were behind a barrier. A wall near them. "TACTICAL NUKE! INCOMING!" Peter popped the web-nuke from the dispenser on his wrist and launched it full pelt at the remaining three. It hit the second man and sent him into the box they were resting behind for cover. The box fell and the web exploded everywhere. The entire warehouse was caked with the sticky white liquidy web. It looked like MJ after the last movie night...

Peter picked himself up, scraped the web off the suit, or those bits that he could... A few men stood in a line, all glued to the wall. "Welcome to standing up school." Peter began, walking in front of them without missing a beat. His wrist launched another web and pulled the man down toward the floor. "YEET! And, you failed!" Peter ended. The thugs bright red face bounced off of the tarmac floor and he was back on the wall within the same second.

Peter swung out the closest window and perched, looking toward the road. "K-dog." 

"Yes Peter." Replied the tired sounding AI, sometimes she seemed to get exhausted on these big recon take down missions. He did just take down about 70 men on his own, within about eight minutes.

"Get the po-lice down here. Time we wrap up for the weekend - I think Tony said there was a car that need rebuilding." He began to swing off back toward the tower with a spring in his swing. Life was good.

**Author's Note:**

> first person to list all the references, ill make a fic based off of your suggestion, as long as its mcu/spidey.


End file.
